I have been dragging ass since before noon. By that time I had however, made pain au chocolate, 2 eggnog lattes for myself, been to the consultation with the specialists at the school, the fabric store to purchase the items to make the weighted blanket he needs, and finally came home and slammed a Happy Meal in his pie hole. Looking at that last choice it is probably no wonder the little bugger won't nap, he's all jacked up on BBQ sauce and fake chicken pieces for sure!!

I tried the normal nap tricks and bribery, but they didn't work so I gave up. I mean I can really only nag the poor guy so much before I want to stab myself at the sound of my own voice.

Anyhow I am off to be crafty and see if the weighted blanket works out. (It is supposed to help kids with Autism and Asperger's feel safer and more secure, and they cost a fortune.) So I will make him one with fabric that he chose and we will see how it goes....ANYTHING to get him out of my bed and into his own would be well worth the work.

And it is still sunny and freezing here. I don't know what kind of joke this is, but PICK A SEASON ALREADY!!! I can't stand all the layering to get someplace and then have to half strip to get comfortable, the pile on all the clothes again to leave!!!!

Maybe I should move someplace like Hawaii where it is always the same warm.

So I delayed blogging because I was too busy barfing up whatever bug got in my stomach at the pumpkin patch on Friday. I still feel like total and complete shit, and imagine it will be a couple more days before I feel like eating anything, but at least the diarrhea and vomiting have ceased.

The trip to the pumpkin patch was fun(ish) we ended up at one that had a huge sign and a lot of people at it because the directions we had to the one that we were supposed to go to for the field trip were stupid. We looked at all the pumpkins, and Toddler even posed for some pictures after riding in the wheelbarrow. He decided on a couple and I got a couple LOVELY Cinderella's to puree into pie and scone making pumpkin - because that canned stuff is only good if you are desperate.

The only tantrum was when he found out that we couldn't ride the tractor with the tour groups.(Which did seem weird when we would pay to go along...but whatever.) So he settled for caramel corn and a coke.

He even helped carve the pumpkins this year!! He was insistent on a spider on his and Daddy had to have a happy face. (Mommy just need to go take a nap and have regular pumpkins. Regular means that you don't get to take part, or he can't remember the color etc.)

So all in all I must admit it was a swell weekend. It does make me laugh when he follows me in the bathroom to see what I am doing and I puke, and then he runs about gagging. He gets warned that is what is going to happen, but I still don't think he understands.

Tomorrow is his cognitive evaluation for the school district. I hope it goes the way it is supposed to. He really needs to be in some kind of school setting, and I am having a hell of a time finding one that isn't hellaciously priced for special needs children. (And honestly I will go insane if I have to be there with him every waking minute, because it is hard enough being here at home.)

So we will play today and have fun, until tomorrow. And hopefully this flu bug will move on somewhere else....like to the moon.

Today was horrible at preschool. Toddler didn't follow my directions, didn't follow the teacher's directions and chose to run through the building screaming as the other children were trying to learn. It was then that she gave me that look, "leave now" so I did and then when she handed him to me outside she asked us not to come to harvest night, and to think about maybe not coming back at all for the last couple of days of preschool.

I was in hysterics. Somehow I managed to get him strapped in his car seat, stop at Starbucks for coffee, and then get to the shop to see Hubby and sob in his office for a while.

Poor guy, always gets me sobbing in his office these days. But he took Toddler while I made some calls the school psychologist, my neurologist and the Children's hospital to see how long it would take for us to speed all of this up. Now I am just waiting for the nice people to all call back this psychotic mom. (I am pretty sure that is what the notes all say - psychotic mom, call her back ASAP!!!)

I have bite marks on my arms and foot sized bruises on my back and stomach. My head is killing me from all of the drama.

I can't take him to a mall play area for fear that he'll bolt off with a stranger. And I can't take him to the park the weather is to crappy. The movies are out as he has no sense of a quiet voice. We are just kind of stuck. (And no CHUCK E CHEESE is not an option, 1 I watched the Dateline germ thing and 2 there was a SCARY CSI about child molesters hanging out there.) Besides that would be so much fun ALONE with just him....I might have to start doing some heavy street drugs to hang out at places like that.

I will go finish the princess costume I am working on for my niece. He birthday is today and she is 4. I am sure that she will be disappointed with fairy costume, and not the tree house made out of nittles, but I am really good at disappointment, so it should be par for the course by now.

Stay at home moms out there, have you ever wished when your husband leaves for work that your child could go with him. Not that this happens very often around here....

I am only asking because Toddler threw an ENORMOUS tantrum while Hubby was leaving (the kind where you have to hold the Toddler down with all of your strength and yell at your stupid husband to "RUN FORREST RUN!!!" Because Hubby stood there between the two exit points staring at me blankly like he didn't know what planet he was on and what language I was speaking.)

Toddler was gagging and screaming and yelling that he was going to throw up. It was enough at 45 minutes into the day to make me want to drive a spike through my head.

He did stand on his chair by the sink and make throw up noises (for the attention factor) for a good 10 minutes before he got calmed down. He had some juice and watched some NOGGIN, and was soon back to a normal state.

(I am still contemplating that rusty spike through the head, and some Bailey's Irish Cream in the coffee.)

Tomorrow is our evaluation for what therapy he will need with the school district. He also only has 2 weeks left with co-op. We have a field trip and a Harvest Night this week so it will be a BUSY BUSY week for us.

I am wondering if I need to get a face tattoo or a piercing so that they think that he REALLY needs the therapy. Or if we play it all dressed to the nines normal family of over doers it will go over better. Shit, what is it going to matter in 45 minutes anyway!!

Have fun with your Sundays....what are left of them...I am sure more screaming and fake vomiting will be involved here....but hell it is almost Halloween so I guess I can allow it for a bit longer.

Hubby came home last night with a large box of snowmobile stuff that we had ordered, as the Yamaha snow show is this weekend and offending weather is not far behind. Inside this box was also a much coveted Wii gaming system...I am not sure who wanted it more Hubby or Toddler, but either way we now have one.

Toddler went to bed on time and slept all night like a gem. I didn't even have to sleep with him, Hubby was up until 3 playing the games trying to get the easy ones they show on the commercials so that Toddler would have something to play today. It didn't get very far.

So as of now I have a Toddler in time out screaming that his head hurts and he wants to listen - because I put all the Wii parts away, because I didn't want to play it all day for him - I am hoping he will wear himself out enough that I can get some things around here cleaned up.

And later on maybe I can leave him with my Father In Law long enough to see if I can't go and find an easier game for us all to play. (skee ball, knock over the milk man bottles, something at all that doesn't take a degree in nerd science to figure it all out.)

And now my HydraCoach is telling me it is time to drink more water and then go Wii some more. At least I will be well hydrated for his next tantrum today. And I am at 40% of my 75 oz for the day. It is cool. You program your weight, and it tells you how much water you should drink per day, in liters or ounces and breaks it down by average per hour etc. It has a date and time tracker for those athletes out there, and the battery is included. Although Toddler keeps trying to steal it, but I just think  he is convinced that it has lemon Propel in it.

"I WANT TO GO BYE-BYE!" "RIGHT NOW!" "MWAHHMWAAHH!!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOO(shriek, cough, shriek, gasps)NOOOOOO!!" "I AM VERY SAD!! I WANT TO GO BYE-BYE RIGHT NOW!!" "MOO MOO"

I don't get the moo moo, except now he is choking on his own spit. So maybe the mooing was some sort of the mwahhhmwaahhh contorted because of the saliva.

He is kicking my chair now and screaming still. I really wish I could find my  damn ear plugs and that those med's would have kicked in by now.

Last night was bad, and today is worse. I don't know why but it is tearing me down into that mom that longs to dump her kid off at daycare and work long hours so she doesn't have to deal with this. Although sadly none of those daycare kids do this at daycare, they save it all up for when mommy and daddy pick them up and on the weekends.

And with these tantrums from hell, because really where the fuck else could they be coming from, comes a brand new style of jumping and flapping our hands and arms in a rhythmic pattern that is enough to drive you out of the house and into freeway traffic. If I could harness that power out jet fuel prices would be non existent.

All joking aside, this is getting to me. I feel like an empty shell of a woman, in battle with a Toddler who is always destined to win. I feel as if I caused it this disease, whatever it may be. I want to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep, wake up and then cry some more.

I really wish I could throw a tantrum like he does. Just to get it all out there. Because no one seems to understand. That same complacent bullshit responses that I have been given before, "He'll be okay." "After Tuesday, you will have some help." (What the magic help fairy will show up and make this all disappear with the dirty laundry?) "Don't take this so seriously, it isn't like he has the bad one" So now there are good and bad forms too have.

Maybe I am edgy. Maybe it is nerves. Maybe it is taking care of him 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year and I am a little worn down. Maybe it is that the support ring of women that I had isn't there anymore.

Who knows. But I am tired of this feeling, feeling like a horrible mother who did this to her son. Because it is inevitably some choice I made or something I ate while pregnant with him that triggered this. Good lord I screwed up two pregnancies. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be a mom after all.