So I have slacked a little since getting home on my blogging. I have been spending a lot of time with the Toddler napping. I have a bug, and well he is begin sort of cuddly and I just figured it was a good time to take advantage of it all.

I also found that my Neurologist is a REJECT. Not only did he just poke at me with safety pins and skewers (hell hubby could have done that here for free with a lot more fun results) he just handed me more med scripts. I am beginning to wonder if a week at a spa that specializes in detoxification of that kind of thing might be good about now. I only know of 2 and both run about $5000. I need to check to see if the insurance will cover either of them, because detoxing at home only results in eating 2 dozen (yes people I ate 2 DOZEN) Krispy Kreme donuts and enjoyed every goddamn one of them.

So in the process I am also trying to paint the master bathroom before I leave for another business trip, get three birthday gifts done. And make it to three beauty appointments today. Hmm, fun stuff. Oh, and yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary and all I got was the same card he gave me last year.

I tell you marriage is not all its cracked up to be after 9 years.

The Toddler has been on a bender lately. A food bender. One that makes  me wonder whether or not MIL fed him while we were away on business. (I mean I am sure that she did, but was it the crap that we feed him or the salt free organic crap that she eats?)

Anyway, anything not nailed down is apparently fair game and I did not get the memo. (He was trying to eat my pillow in the night, and I had to smack him for that, I mean it is a $200 Tempurpedic pillow after all)

I think that we might be making a trip to the convenience store to stock up on the junk food for him. (I just started a 5 day body cleanse and am NOT leaving a 2 block radius of the house without a port a potty and twelve pair of underwear!!)

So have a fun day with whatever it is you will be doing. We will be racing for toilets and snacks, which I am sure will be equally fun, but you never know!!! 

And just so you know, I am not the gal who says"Oh, my god!!! Cutest Outfit on a baby ever!!" I am always the one who whispers - when safely out of earshot - "DID YOU SEE THAT THING? That was one Ugly baby or a really bad attempt at alien assimilation?"

I am an utter emotional mess here. And no, it is not THAT time of the month. Hubby and I had discussed in great detail about trying to have another baby this fall. Something that would take a lot of work, because I had my tubes tied after Toddler was born for fear that another baby or I would die.

Hubby assured me that I would not die and neither would the baby. And a baby indeed would make him the happiest man in the world. So I went to the initial consultation and got the referral to the clinic in Seattle.

Now he has decided he doesn't ever want another child. EVER.

(Hysterics have ensued for days as have a couple of remodeling shopping sprees.) I wouldn't be so upset by this except for he used all of the great feelings I was having in Florida, that time we were together to make it seem like the PERFECT thing for Toddler to have with him when we are gone. Both on business trips and dead and old.

Then I told my mom and she said I needed to see someone, because I am probably bipolar. (Sorry if I needed a second to grieve for my DEAD daughter and the playmate Toddler will never have to play Pope with using NECCO wafers.)

So today I will make some crafts with Toddler, and then snuggle him nice and good. I may only have him, but I better cherish every second I do before he too is off to Medical school like his uncles.

And Abby, mommy misses you and wishes you were here every day. To cuddle and hold you. I even admit that I would watch with delight as you pinch  and kick and scream and fight with your brother. I wish that I was spending the entire 4 1/2 year old summer with fighting the tangles out of your wet hair and ragged flip flops from playing on the slip and slide.

I hope that slip and slide in Heaven is HUGE!!! And that there are no tangles in your hair there!

I really am sick this round. And normally coming home from a business trip ends up in bronchitis, the flu or some other ungodly bacterial mess. This time they have no clue what it is and that I should get some rest. (Yeah, did you fuckers see all the trains that our sitter left behind for me to clean up between racing to the porcelain goddess?) Dumb doctors.

I feel a bit better today. Of course I have eaten nothing but soy milk and coffee. And a little bit of rice. Wow such an exciting palatial feast, maybe the Beard foundation will stop by to offer me an award. (That is the Oxycontin talking if you couldn't tell)

I have been sleeping though and yoga starts tomorrow. So maybe that will help too. I was told but both the WOMAN doctor and the general doctor that I needed more me time. So Yoga it will be, and time in my art room to create alone. WITHOUT Trains or "honey, where are my underpants?"

I am really looking forward to getting better.

So I went to the doctor yesterday. I was sicker than a dog, not able to keep chicken noodle soup down. (Really who pukes chicken soup unless they are sick and going to die?!?!)  Nothing wanted to live in my stomach it still doesn't. It wanted to stay in the porcelain god known as the most hated item in the house by toddler. And none of the doctors or specialists give a rats ass about it all.

So I spent much of the day racing from doctor to doctor begin poked and prodded like a voodoo doll and am awaiting for the tests results. I would love to jump back in my warm bed and sleep another couple hours, but Toddlers aren't fond of that and Granny hates him.

So I probably won't die. But Toddler liked the preschool open house last night and can't wait to go back...so just a few more weeks and I get some peace and quiet twice a week he will have lots and lots of fun there learning.

I can hardly wait for it all to begin.

I am back sadly, from the warm sunny skies of Florida. I could comfortably live there, oh - FOREVER - but hubby reminded me that toddler would be happy to see me and that the heat would eventually get to me.

Man is he an idiot. Toddler wanted NOTHING to do with me. No hugs, no kisses, no I missed you mommy. It was all daddy this and granny that. WELL fine, I am going to book my next ticket out of this freezing cold ass trap to find work in the warmth and charm that is Florida.

Sure I will come back at Thanksgiving and Christmas like most family members do. But I can sell tchotchkys there at a premium and spend my evenings and days off soaking up the sunshine, and southern hospitality. Who needs this rude 3 year old I hate you mommy ness anyhow? And why should I stick around while he continues it until he is 50. For god sake all I did was give birth to the kid how could that be so bad?

I will post those lovely pictures of the resort too. (None of the Yamaha motor ones I promise) And you can see how much fun we had. And I will sit here for the rest of the day and dream of Gimlets on the beach, and the sun on my face...and drown out the screams of I hate you mommy for at least a couple more days.

Toddler came home last night. What time? I don't really know. I was passed out in bed. Apparently Hubs called three or a hundred times and I didn't hear the phone. I am seriously going to hell for that one.

They played with Thomas and competed to see who could eat more mini boxes of cereal before they came upstairs to wake me up. Toddler did manage to give me a lame kiss before he scrambled back downstairs to go outside to find sissy and B. His two best friends in the universe.

So much for that crap that he missed his momma.

And so much for that pitiful little episode that I had this week feeling bad that he is an only child. I think it is good that he is an only. Then I don't have to deal with the pig piles of jealousy all of the time.

But I must admit my feelings are hurt. He keeps asking fro Grandma. Who will be here later today. Because I have to leave on business tomorrow. So either 1) he will hate my guts upon my return or 2) he will return home with Grandma and Grandpa and I will never see him again.

Either way I will be a pile of very tanned jell-o on the floor when I get home.

Toddlers are mean man. Way meaner than teenagers could ever be. What happened to my sweet little momma's boy? I want that baby back. It just is too bad that my body is so broken and screwed up that another baby is totally out of the question. Know of any for sale?

I told you (well most of you) that by Tuesday, hubs and I would be worn out and worse for the wear. And Ta-Da!!! We were/still are. I was asleep at 6 last night, and he wasn't far behind, somewhere around 9. The weekend of adult fun did a number on our OLD bodies and we are finally paying the price with sleep.

At least we have a couple of days to get caught up before Toddler gets home with his grandparents, and we leave for the sunny shores of Florida. That will be BLISS. Sleeping on the sunny shores while cabana boys bring you cocktails. Eating delicious non dinosaur shaped chicken nugget dinners. Yeah, we can both roll with that one. And celebrate our anniversary early.

So I will clean organize and get packing on all that we need to take to Florida. We will be gone 5 days, but you never do know what you might need down there beside your thong bikini and some sunscreen. So it is better to be safe than sorry. And at this point anything to get out of the cold and rain here will be gladly welcomed. Even if it is just for a week.

 I have been knitting. And knitting and knitting.  The wine "sock" as I like to call it is finally finished (The proper term for it is a wine cozy, but hell, why would anyone in their right mind put wine in a sock?) and ready for its journey off as a birthday gift.

I received one of these last year from a friend. And it impressed me so much that I learned to knit. I took a couple classes, read every book I could get my mittens on and TiVoed every knitting show on DirecTv. I learned quickly that knitting was not only wonderfully satisfying but also cathartic to my restless and ever running mind. It was just this week that I finally attempted to make the "wine cozy."

While aesthetically it isn't exactly as PERFECT as I want. (Nothing I do or make ever is....I am sick and twisted like that.) It will be just fine with it's rich warm lovely bottle of Merlot inside. And if the receiver doesn't like it, it can be regifted, stuffed and given to the cat as a toy, or un wound and re purposed into something else entirely.

Either way I think I will make more wine socks. I can't think of a more "unique" gift to keep on hand for those "son of a bitch I forgot to get a gift" moments that come up so often. And besides, how many people really have a wine sock anyway?

I donated to the Muscular Dystrophy Association in the checkout line today. I do this a lot when it is a cause that I believe in and it will help kids by finding a cure or alleviate their suffering or pain. I usually donate the cost of a cup of coffee, or a family outing to McDonald's. I know it isn't a lot, but over time maybe those little donations will make a BIG difference.

As I punched in my numbers and codes, and quickly tried to finish checking out with my groceries she asked who's names she should write on the paper. I quickly said Abby and Toddler. She then asked if it was in memory of them, and I paused. Because yes, it is in memory of Abby, but how do you answer that question to a total stranger in a grocery checkout line? So I said no, and collected my things and headed home.

In the car though I felt like the worst person in the world. Like somehow everyone in the line knew that I had lied. That yes, it was in memory of my daughter who died before she was born, but I am still too scarred from all of it to say it out loud. Maybe it isn't so much that I am scarred, as I am more careful about who I talk to about it.

Because people really don't understand what it is like to loose a child at 36 weeks of pregnancy. They say stupid things, and act ridiculous, and in general are idiots. I can't say that I blame them. It defies what we as humans deem as common sense, and it is horrific and terrifying to deal with...let alone have to go through.

The strangest thing in all of this is that Abby would be 5 in January, and I have never felt this awful about putting her name on a donation sheet before. Like by not saying that it was in her memory that I was doing her a disservice. But the explanation of it all too seemed almost harder today. (Like explaining that my daughter could be any harder than it actually happening.) Maybe it is the moon, or the weather, or feeling bad lately that we decided that Toddler would be fine as an only child.

Whatever it is, I hope that Abby knows that everything I do is with her memory closest to my heart always.

The Toddler is off with the grandparents this week. Enjoying his time with Pop Pop means that Hubby and I get a week to act like maniacs and do whatever we want. Which is pretty damn nice...because, well its nice. And no one is screaming for chicken nuggets or a diaper change, or that they hate me.

So Friday night we went to dinner and a movie. Saturday night we went to go ATV riding. That was probably not such a hot idea. We used to ride a lot. (6 years ago) And we had a lot of fun doing it. We both were looking forward to getting out with the employees and riding the trails and having some fun, we forgot about the aftermath, and how old our bodies are.

Despite my crashing the heavy Big Bear 400 into a tree and cracking the front plastic and rolling the goddamn thing over on top of myself, I don't have any broken bones or bruises. And I kept up with all those little boys pretty darn well for an old woman. And Hubby (bless  him) stayed back with me after all my crashing and rolling to keep an eye on me, because my confidence at that point was shot to hell, and panic had fully set in. Plus the only way out was to keep going.

So here this Monday morning I am in more pain than I was after giving birth to the Toddler. I can't move my head from side to side, and my hip joints well lets just say we might need to get a wheelchair before the week is over. And I know that despite the fact that Hubby is working and claiming not to be in pain that he is....the grimacing and grunting when he gets into bed at night is a telltale sign.

It just proves that while we still feel like we are 21 that these old bodies can't take the abuse that they used to!! But what the hell, we will be out on the trails again soon...just next time I am taking something a little smaller and lighter. Like a Raptor 250...and I will make sure that we have plenty of Advil in the truck for the long ride home.

To check out any of the vehicles mentioned go to:South Seattle Sports Plaza

I really hate all of this Al-Gore-End-Of-The-World-Gloom-And-Doom-Shit. It is making me crazy. He makes me crazy. I am glad that he wasn't elected to the white house. I mean can you imagine the shit he would be making us do? We wouldn't be able to talk on the phone or drive our cars or do our laundry unless we had met certain requirements of capacity.

Now this doesn't mean that I want everyone to leave their trash on the side of the road, or pollute just for the fuck of it. I mean that is just irresponsible, and retarded. It bothers me that these "celebretards" think that it is their place to tell me how many squares of toilet paper are okay to use to wipe my ass with. (I mean seriously, sometimes I can take a mighty shit, and one square isn't going do the trick!!)

Not to mention the inundation of reusable "disposable" goods. If they are reusable, don't label them as "disposable"!! Label them as what they are, really cool picnic gear that can go in the dishwasher!!

So around here we have been doing what we can to be a little more conscientious of the environment. I have a high efficiency dishwasher, washer and dryer, hot water heater and even the new refrigerator is as well!! And we only use disposable stuff when necessary, except for the diapers because well that is just DISGUSTING.

But surprising Toddler has jumped on the "going green" bandwagon with a fervor that I have never seen before. He loves to recycle. It in fact is his favorite pass time. 

What does a 3 1/2 year old do to save the planet you ask?

He picks his nose and eats it.

Now before you freak out, think about it. He is recycling. And everyone at one time or another has done this, and after a discussion with the pediatrician it was determined that the more we make a big deal about this the more he will do it. So we are leaving it alone, and letting him save the world for now one little booger at a time.   

I have always doubted my abilities at everything. I never thought I was pretty enough, or smart enough or good enough. I could come home with a perfect report card and awards and glowing recommendations, and still wasn't convinced that it was enough. I felt like this even in kindergarten, at a mere 5 years old.

I was in advanced classes until my sophomore year in high school, when I was so burnt out that I just didn't want to do it any longer. So I went into the mainstream "easier" classes and had a little easier time. I was able to work and do some other stuff that made it easier to get through high school.

Since I have become a mom things haven't changed. I am really convinced that I am the world's worst mom. I knew that motherhood wouldn't be all sunshine and roses, I read that book Misconceptions. Which  quite frankly scared the shit out of me, but also made me realize that not every woman feels great about being a mom every day of the week.

Now this doesn't mean that I hate being a mom. I love it. I love that Toddler has learned so much from me, and that I was here to see his first smile, and laugh and step and first words. I love that he is secure enough in his relationship with me that he can stay with his grandparents or friends when I go out of town and not melt down into a puddle of Toddler goo when we leave.

But I still have days where I am certain that I am one of those women who should never have had children.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Toddler was out of control. Screaming about going in the bus to Granny's house. That Granny was his momma. That he, hated me. And nothing I could say  or do would change that. In all of his hysteria I even had to slap him a few times to get him to stop. (Something that I rarely do, because well, hitting him rarely works. And usually ends up in a bigger and more obnoxious tantrum.)

I took him to daddy and pop pop and left. I went tanning and got dinner and came home to knit. When he got home he played with the neighbors and took a bath. Then he wanted me to read him a story. And he picked a story that he has never had me read him before, Dr. Seuss' The Places You'll Go.

I read him this book, a graduation gift from a friend of mine many moons ago, and put him to bed. I read the inscription. It reminded me of how far away I have come from that dream of wanting to be the next Sandra Day O'Connor, but how here I am happier than I would be there in the hellfire of Washington DC. 

I thought about all the places I have been, and how some were dark and scary, and how I didn't want to climb out, but always did. And no matter how bad things seemed to be, or how awful I thought I was doing things always turned out okay.

So maybe I am not as bad of a mom as I think. And maybe someday I will be able to believe that with every fiber of my being. But for now, I will remember to be dextrous and deft, and never to mix up my right foot with my left.

The glorious summer weather that we are used to in August has all but disappeared. It is rainy and cloudy and cold. (We are talking low 60's upper 50's. Which is cold for August. It should be in the upper 80's and 90's from now until mid September.) The wading pool has gotten hardly any use and the Nemo slip and slide has yet to see the light of day this summer. It is weird weather.

Normally we would be okay with this. I mean we are Seattllites, we deal with the gloom most of the year. But right now it has turned us into a bushel of crabby patties. Toddler threw an all out tantrum to beat all tantrums ever thrown in Target yesterday, which resulted in me leaving the store and slapping him across the face when we got to the car. (The biting and hitting when I attempted to get him out of the stroller pushed me over the edge.) And the rest of the day wasn't any better, he crapped in the shower and acted as if he had been locked in a cage with a herd of charging rhinos. And this morning his attitude isn't much better.

I am too feeling the gloom. Shuffling through the cookbooks searching for the soups and stews and even the crock pot recipes. I shouldn't be wanting this kind of food!! I should not be hungry, it should be too hot to eat anything besides some salad and a glass of wine or a gin and tonic!! Plus the fatigue is setting in....which is never good for anyone...we are all heading to bed at 9 and not waking up early like we have been.

Toddler has also taken to ordering us around and using the clap on clap off technique to get what he wants. (we are assuming he saw a clapper commercial somewhere and is now obsessed with the godforsaken thing. At least we know now what Santa is bringing him for Christmas!!) It isn't so much the ordering around that is annoying, he does that all the time, but the rhythmic clapping that is sending us both over the edge!!

The weather report calls for sunshine this weekend. We are crossing our fingers and praying. We need it. The garden needs it, hell it is August and there isn't that much summer left....just give us our time in the sun so that we can make it through the dark winter without ending up in the funny farm.

We will see. Maybe I won't come back from Florida once I get there, they are closer to the equator after all, which means they get more sunshine. And who cares if they have a few heavy rainstorms? I mean I have been through the rain here, it can't be anything that I can't handle.

A weekend with Granny apparently has the same effect as an entire week. Toddler gets this wise old man vibe and starts spouting off all sorts of sayings. This weekend was no different.

Friday night Toddler wanted to sleep in Granny's bed, because we have figured out that the toddler bed is too hard and he hates it.

So Hubby says, "Well Toddler, you'll have to ask Granny if it is okay first."

Toddler pipes back hands on hips with  attitude, "You're just JEALOUS." Hubby simultaneously pees his pants and laughs hysterically at the same time.

They come downstairs and Toddler sits on the kitchen table. "Please get down now." "Mom, You're making me upset." He says.

I didn't know what to say. I mean the smart ass retorts like that always surprise me, and then I am left standing there either laughing hysterically, or with my mouth agape not knowing what to do.

On Sunday Granny decided that we should all take Toddler to see Ratatouille. I thought she was insane. I mean we tried this with CARS, and he lasted 10 minutes. And that was a movie about CARS a topic he LOVES. Ratatouille is a movie about vermin that cook. Two things he isn't interested in. AT ALL. But she was adamant and paying so we agreed to go. And you know what? Not only did that little asshole sit through the ENTIRE movie, he asked to go to the bathroom 3 times, and went every time!! Of course he still won't do that at home, but hell maybe we will spend the next two weeks at the movies and see what happens!!

Also the non napping child that has been driving me to the edge for the last couple of months napped every day for Granny!! 2 HOURS OR MORE!!! I nearly shit my panties. And I did have a complete conniption fit over that, I mean that shit just ISN'T FAIR!! Nap time was the time that I got a break, and was able to get the floor mopped and other semi dangerous tasks done without interruption.

Oh, well. At least he was good for her. I just hope that he does the same when I go to Florida in a couple of weeks. And then again when I go in September. I need the break more than he does, that is for sure. (Okay, I admit it...I really need the time in the sunshine with other grown ups, drinking adult beverages. And evenings alone in a bed with my husband without fear of being invaded by the Toddler at any second!) 

Granny is excited to come back and take care of him, and all it costs me is a couple of bottles of good red wine and some vodka!! And I need to take advantage of this NOW before the baby cousin is born at Thanksgiving - because then all bets are off, because she will be wrapped up in baby diapers and poop again. Two of her very favorite things.

That I've still got the hotness factor!! Even if they were all old enough to be my dad, they all thought I was hot. And even the guys that weren't old enough to be my dad kept coming back to buy stuff from me.

I thought that this weekend's off site sale's event would be totally lame. I thought that I would sit in the lawn chair drink some coffee - maybe a couple of beers - sell a couple of motorcycle parts and it would all be good. BOY WAS I WRONG.

First off the event that I was told would run Saturday and Sunday was actually Friday and Saturday. So we arrived a bit late Friday as my MIL had to get here to watch the Toddler. We scrambled to set up, and the sales started before we were even ready.

One guy came back the first night 6 times to buy stuff. On the way home my cashier and husband joked and made bets about how many times he would be back the next day.

We were there early and set up by the time the bikers rolled out of bed, hungover and a little defeated from loosing at the craps tables at the casino the night before. But ready to spend money like nobody's business.

They spent and spent and spent. I sat down long enough to wolf down a burger (that tasted like a piece of cardboard...no I think that cardboard would have tasted better) and then get back to work.

It was great to be back out with the customers B.S.ing, and chatting. Just not having to deal with poopy diapers and screaming fits for a couple of days was GLORIOUS!! And we raked in the cash. I was shocked at how much cash they were throwing at us. I am not complaining at all, but these guys were serious about getting the goods for their cruisers.

They did take a lot of pictures...I thought they were photographing the bikes that we had on display, but later found out that they were taking pictures of my tank tops and skirts...a compliment I guess...I mean that they think that this 30+ year old mom is HOT. (Especially when as of late I am not feeling hot at all.) Made me feel great. You can see the pictures that they have of me on their club site here and here. (There are more out there somewhere...I just have to track them all down.)

All in all it was a great weekend. I got a chance to work with hubby. We got a ton of Internet traffic for the store. And we made a bunch of money. Plus we had a lot of fun. We even scored tickets at the casino for Carlos Mencia in November...a real honest to goodness grown up date!! Plus the entire event raised a ton of money for The Autism Society of Washington, which is near and dear to my heart. Plus Toddler got a weekend with Grannie, he let her fix his crappy Dumb and Dumber haircut and weeded the garden!!

So it was a great weekend for everyone!! 

There are few things that I have come to know living in a house full of testosterone, 1) trains will be strewn hither and yon 2) semi naked girl like magazines will be in every bathroom - for the articles 3) much gear head talk will go on 4) grease, gas and mud are usually on all clothing items and probably most important 5) POOP references always get a laugh.

I love fart jokes, and poop jokes. Hell half this blog is dedicated to poop and other toddler bodily functions. And thanks to Beavis and Butthead my mom and I are forever 12 year old boys in women's bodies chanting "Diarrhea!! Cha-Cha-Cha!!" at every available opportunity. But perhaps this week's poop joke told by Toddler was the best yet.

He has mastered the butt cheek lift fart, blaming the fart on the dog, and of course magical armpit farts. (Which lets face it are EVERYONE'S favorite.) He has done these for months, and almost to the point of annoyance as of late...or at least enough for us to both yell "ENOUGH!!" on more than one occasion.

Then last night as I was getting ready to go to bed and he was in the tub a tiny little voice sang out, "when you're sliding into first and you feel a sudden burst....diarrhea!! diarrhea!! when your' sliding in to home and you feel a sudden foam...diarrhea!! diarrhea!!" I was stunned...I checked my ears to make sure that I wasn't hearing things. Hubby even came in to make sure that he had heard him right.

"Was that..."
"I think it was."We giggled into the pillows hysterically, I mean we wouldn't want to encourage this would we?!? And he started again.

We sat on the edge of the bed and listened. I was amazed that he had mastered the diarrhea song. And a tiny bit proud. Yeah, he refuses to master to toilet, but goddamn he has mastered the DIARRHEA song!! He is a genius. (I guess that is what happens when you let him watch Parenthood with you.) So on we go with the mastery of more testosterone laden skills.

They say that every woman wants a little girl to dress in skirts and bows, they are wrong. I would love to have had a house full of boys to form the very first production of the diarrhea song!!! They would be covered in dirt and snot and worms and grime and singing it in perfect key. That is my idea of a perfect little family.

Too bad that it totally satisfies the 12 year old boy in the 30 year old woman's body.

I've been up since 5 am with a horrible headache. Since I'd been kicked out of my bed in the night by Toddler and Hubby - the Snoralupagus twins - I really thought it was a migraine. I took the magic pills, and they didn't work...took two cups of espresso, still nothing. Showered and headed off for the mall with Toddler and Hubby for some retail therapy...I mean that always cures what ails you right?

WRONG.

Not only was shopping a pain in the ass it was nauseating and horrible. (I cannot believe that I just uttered those words to you.)  I couldn't find a bikini that was a decent pattern color or size for Florida. And Toddler raced around every store like a midget on crack in the Indianapolis 500!! So super annoying and irritating...especially when paired with the shrill "I CAN DO IT MYSELF!! I A BIG BOY!! AIAIAIAIAI!!" 

Yeah, and I have time to shop for a bikini before we leave, but this late in the season in the NW where the hell am I going to find something that isn't made to cover hippo hips or mosquito bite boobies?

So I am off to puke some more and try to get this headache under control. If the nausea doesn't wear off soon I will be forced to take the knock you on your ass until you drool like a maniac meds, which I guess will be fine. I mean there are enough rice crispy treats for the boys to eat until tomorrow, and after all Toddler is "a big boy" and he can take care of them "all by himself!"

There was a time not too long ago that I was CONVINCED that playgroup was for everyone. I was also deluded CONVINCED that the MOMS Club was the answer to every stay at home mom's prayers. 

For a long while MOMS Club was exactly what I needed to keep myself from going insane with a baby who didn't sleep, and who had acid reflux so bad he threw up his own stomach acid. There were outings and play dates and women that understood me and what I was going through.

That was also over 2 years ago.

Not to say that the MOMS Club is a bad thing, because it isn't. It is great if you have a lot of kids and stay at home and want activities that are totally about them. Which is initially what I wanted. Hell it is what I needed, interaction with other people with kids.

The thing is since I joined we decided that more kids are not in our future. And the moms in the club are definitely not of that same frame of mind...they have two and three and some even more. 

And the competition!! Good lord!! These kids are in so many activities it makes my head spin!! What happened to the days where toddlers just played? Where they just made up games and talked to their dogs and ran and swam? These mothers have their kids in music, and gym and swimming and writing and art before they turn three!!

Granted we have done our share of the Little Gym and tried (and failed marvelously) Kindermusik. But that was to get out and get socialized with other kids, and experience some other things. I have no intention of molding Toddler into a Baby Einstein. Hell he has his whole life to study and learn and write concertos, there is no point in burning him out before he starts Kindergarten.

We are also starting preschool this fall because, Toddler needs structure and instruction from someone that is his mother. And I do not intend to home school the kid who while potty training looks at me and smiles while peeing and crapping at the same time on my Berber carpet, then totally denies doing it. (He blames it on the dog.)  

So sitting out at the patio table today as the kids played, I was listening to the other moms go on and on about preschool this and that, and all of the fall classes the kids were signed up for when I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized I really have nothing in common with them. I mean absolutely nothing at all.

They are discussing things like not putting their child in preschool because they would rather have a housekeeper. Or having more kids. (Um, you aren't watching the two you have throw rocks at each other right now, and one of them is just a year old.) And why do you need a housekeeper when you are a stay at home mom - oh, wait I forgot you really are never home because your kids are in four thousand two hundred and eighty two classes a week!!

Toddler loves the other kids, and they love him, but that alone doesn't necessarily make it enough to keep going...I mean the playgroup was just as much for him as it was for me. And I really can't bring myself to keep driving and playing nice with these women week after week month after month with nothing to talk about.

So I guess we will limp through the month, until the last get together to celebrate the birthdays at the end of the month, and then call it good. I am just now biding my time until my dues are up in January. If I hadn't been such a moron and volunteered to be the Club Secretary I would be done a lot sooner!!