I don't know if it is all the lead I have to handle packaging up these Thomas trains, or just the sheer horror that the recalls keep coming, but I am dizzy from all of this recall shit already. (And really in all of the Thomas stuff we have I have like 10 trains to send back so it isn't that much lead.) I can understand that they need to go back and aren't safe, but why wasn't this tested for sooner?

And what is with this port a crib/pack and play recall? The people who's child died DID NOT FOLLOW THE MANUFACTURER'S DIRECTIONS. I am sorry, but that does NOT warrant a recall (and subsequent panic and media fury) of the product. There really is no excuse for being stupid. *I am really sorry that their child died, being a parent who has lost a child I do know their pain. And I know I will get flack for writing that, but seriously, since when did not using a product properly mean that it had to be recalled?*

Okay, so I made the appointment with the neurologist. We will see him on March 27th. Yes, you read that right, in 6 months we will be able to get the evaluation we need.

The doctor should be calling later today with another referral in the mean time. Hopefully someone that could evaluate our situation before Christmas, but I am not holding my breath. I mean my head already hurts enough from the lead poisoning and the dramatics of the past week, holding my breath would only add to my troubles now.

In the mean time we are cleaning and getting toys organized and put away. (All the useless crap that he had stowed away - 5 tape measures, a couple of bottle caps, some rocks, and a dead frog or two - is now gone.) And there is some more order to the disorder that had taken over the house. Hopefully that means that I can get the master bathroom painted like I want.

Hopefully none of you are suffering the ill effects of the TOXIC LEAD PAINT. If you are I recommend a stiff drink and a nap immediately.

I am a little hesitant to write all of this out here. I am not even sure that I understand it all myself yet. Hell, I don't think I will ever understand it all - even though it has been nagging at me for months, this little voice in the back of my head saying, "Hello? Maybe it is a possibility."

What the hell are you talking about? You ask. I am talking about the probability that Toddler has High Functioning Autism. A probability that just increased ten-fold today when we visited his doctor.

The visit was prompted by a less than stellar first day of preschool. Toddler was the only child out of 12 to not sit on the carpet as instructed during circle time and listen, and participate. He instead jumped around yelling and making obscene noises and raising his hand shouting, "MY TURN!! MY TURN!!" (Enter glares and nasty stares from 12 other parents as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with YOUR kid!") I stayed for the first half hour of his 2 hour class.

When I returned to pick him up he was focused on the sand table outside. He could not be pried away from it until clean up time. Then he had to be SCRAPED off of the climbing toy while sobbing that he didn't want to leave. Teacher informed me that transitions did not go so well, and that he had taken a giant dump in his pants. He then screamed for a half hour while hitting me refusing to sit in his car seat. Finally he decided to get in.

Sometime after we visited Hubby at work he got calmed down enough to be semi-normal for the remainder of the day. Still the whole "adventure" was enough to nearly give me a panic attack and heart failure all at once. And no one should have to feel like that for preschool.

So today we visited the doctor and talked. I wanted an ADHD diagnosis, but knew that wouldn't happen. He is only 3 1/2, and all 3 1/2 year olds act like they have ADHD. I knew either it was some form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or something worse. I didn't mention those fears to the doctor, I wanted to hear what he had to say.

Then he dropped the A-Bomb.

I didn't loose it. I can't say I expected to hear it, but I wasn't entirely surprised either. It's kind of like I have always suspected that there was something there, but didn't know what it was. And maybe, just maybe if I didn't say it out loud it wouldn't be true. But he did and now we have a referral to a child neurologist who specializes in high functioning autism.

I can be grateful that we have the resources to detect these things early enough. And I shouldn't be worrying just yet (although he has almost all of the Aspberger's symptoms on the "list") I should save that energy for later when we have a definite diagnosis and game plan for treatment. But I can't help but worry and feel somehow responsible for this - like somehow I caused this. You know, because the mother is responsible for everything!!

Now we have to wait for our appointment, oh, and use the Ferber method to get him back into his bed at night. (Which is great because that was really hard for Hubby the first time around.) So it should be an emotional couple of weeks here.

But then again, when aren't we all emotional around here?

Potty training is going along quite well. Toddler has come a long way since the potty training diaries were written. He has had relatively few pee accidents and for the last 5 days has only been wearing a Pull Up at night, just in case.

Poop however, is quite another story. Toddler did well for a couple of days trying desperately to poop in the toilet for us - for a Hershey bar or other candy - and succeeded in giving us a (and I am quoting him here) "banana" poop, and a "monster" poop two consecutive nights. Then he decided he would hold it and not go.

That results in the grossest of gross. Pooping little poops in your pants, dry crumbly feta cheese like poop that stinks to high hell, all day long. And if you are "all naked" when you are home you drop turds all over the floor like some kind of zoo animal.

About 10 last night he started shaking, crying and screaming that his side hurt. His stomach was as hard as a rock, he wasn't farting (at all) and as much as he tried to poop - pushing until the veins in his neck and forehead looked like they were going to burst out - he couldn't. So we gave in and gave him a Fleet suppository. (Although it really is more of an enema than a suppository, but that is another entry in itself.)  Within 5 minutes all the poop was out, to which he said, "Thank You, I'm all better." But honestly that was one of the WORST things that I have ever had to do.

He cooperated with us and laughed while we did it, but within minutes of Hubby administering it he was crying and yelling that his butt hurt and trying to wipe it with the longest piece of toilet paper ever. Then as he finally pooped (the foulest smelling loudest poop ever on earth) he shook and cried with his head on my shoulder. I couldn't have felt worse. And while I know that it didn't hurt, I just felt horrible that after fighting him ALL DAY over pooping in the toilet it had to come to THAT. The most embarrassing way known to man to poop.

As soon as it was all over he was ready to go to bed, and willingly climbed into bed kissed us both goodnight and went to sleep. He was in a better mood, and today is back to normal.

I know that it is a power struggle, and is one of the few things that he has "control" over, I just wish that he would choose something a little less dramatic to struggle with us over. (Like Food or Clothes) And I know that he is young enough that the whole "incident" won't even be a blip in his long term memory.  

Still somehow the whole thing stinks.

So I have a problem with Panhandling. I always have. I think that most people get that uncomfortable all over "oh, my what the hell do I do ? can I cross the street before they see me?" feeling when they are confronted by someone begging for spare change on a street corner or at a shopping mall.

Poverty and homelessness isn't something that any of us like to see or address, and that is why more and more cities are placing stricter laws enforcing "aggressive" panhandling in downtown areas. And lets face it the poor and homeless are mostly the ones panhandling, it isn't the lady down the street who is a financial planner wearing her Burberry suit begging for spare change to pay the rent.

Lately though these guys are getting ridiculous. There is a particular intersection that I drive through on a regular basis, it is HUGE. (A state hwy intersecting with a pretty large street, all with a bunch of stores and Interstate on/off ramps.) All 4 corners have at least one person holding a sign begging for money. EVERYDAY. It is always the same group of people. (They have a secret rotation through the city I swear, working certain areas for a set time and the switching.) It drives me insane.

What makes me more insane about this is that they feel compelled to walk up to our vehicles and look in the windows at us, almost touching the windows and doors, but not quite. Just long enough to make you feel like dirt for not handing money to them, and not quite long enough for you to roll down the window and mace the shit out of them.

Staring at me like that at any time will get you a couple of things: a swift call to my buddies at the local Police Department to arrest your ass, your feet run over or your ass kicked by a pissed off stay at home mom.  I am not going to give my money to you for staring at me. I am also not giving someone dressed head to toe in Tommy Hilfiger money either, I don't care who you are, if you are THAT broke sell the TOMMY and get some Goodwill sweats to at least look the part.

I have seen these "Out of work Dad, Anything will help. God Bless" people shove groceries back at cars that were given to them. I have seen them swear and scream at someone who handed them a hot meal from a fast food joint. If you really will take anything  that will help - take the food and say thank you don't swear and act like they have beaten you with a 10 foot pole.

I know that there are people out there who TRULY need help, but they aren't the ones collecting obscene amounts of money on the corner TAX FREE from people who believe these little cardboard scams. It infuriates me that they get away with this, especially in WA where business taxes are ABSURD - I swear that they don't want anyone to do business in the state - and sales tax keeps inching higher and higher. And those of us that play by the rules are inundated with these "Will Work For Food" signs constantly.

If you really will work for food, march your ass down to the local employment agency and sign up for work. Working a real job will pay you money on a regular basis which means you will be working for food!!! But of course none of these BOZOS really are looking for food, they are looking for a fast way to make loads of cash tax free....and they are getting away with it.

So today we met with our wonderful preschool teacher to prepare for our first day of school next Wednesday. Toddler was so happy you would have thought we had moved into an Amtrak train in the night. He listened to her, and talked to her and was wonderful. He even wore underpants and didn't have an accident!!!

But as we left with the pile of materials in hand I realized that this is it....the start of his school career. Am I ready for this? Can it already be that he is ready for this? I mean he knows the ABC song and he knows his colors and shapes and can count to 20...what more does he need. Shouldn't he still be a baby?

I know, I know. I spend most days complaining that he is a pain in the neck, but this is HUGE. He is going to preschool - potty trained no less - something that I thought that would NEVER happen. Maybe it is that it is all happening so fast. He hit the 3 1/2 mark and it is clicking faster than ever, potty training, listening, all of those things at once are overwhelming for a mom who has spent more than a few weeks on the brink of doom because he REFUSED to get it.

All I know is that come Wednesday morning I am surely to be a HUGE mess....and Toddler will be just fine playing with his new friends at school. Then I am left with the task of finding what to do with the 2 hours that I have to myself....you know once I have adjusted to the sounds of silence.

I have been attempting to kick my caffeine habit down to a reasonable level the past week or two. My consumption is obscene at levels that probably aren't good for anyone, so cutting back seems like a good idea. (And I am hoping that it helps with this never ending headache I have been having. Because I can't take anything for it, that just makes it worse.)

I have happily made my double tall cappuccino every morning and some mornings not even finished the whole thing. A small feat for a woman who started most mornings with an entire pot of coffee and six shots of espresso.

But there have been some side effects that I didn't expect. Like I feel like I am having a heart attack at night when I get in bed for about 20 minutes. I am grouchier than usual too, but I am betting a big part of that is being cooped up in the house with the Toddler who refuses to poop in less than desirable weather while hubby is off working his butt off, all while battling the period to end all periods.

So I should probably see the doctor about the heart attack thing, but who has time? Tomorrow is Hubby's birthday, and that means Roundtable Pizza for dinner and Coldstone Ice Cream - and more than likely McDonald's for lunch. (He eats like that and I am the one having chest pains - go figure!!) I want to make it special too seeing as Toddler ruined the picture surprise. (Jeff did a great job with the photos. Jeff Hinds Photography is the only person that I would recommend for your wedding or anything. The shots he got of Toddler on the first meeting WERE AMAZING.) And those damn lamps aren't here so it isn't like he is going to have anything to open. Damn it his birthday always gets screwed up...he'll probably have to go in to work to and put together a boat for someone too.

Well I will work on the caffeine and see someone about the chest pains. And pray all of you that the Toddler will finally just CRAP IN THE TOILET already. I really don't want to use those enemas on him, and he is 100% trained on the peeing part, this holding it phenomena is WEIRD. JUST POOP!!

So everyone just pray that he poops where he is supposed to. I am serious. Maybe that alone will stop the chest pains.

Remember the commercials that were dubbed over from Europe for Mentos? With all the really dorky antics of the teens of Europe looking so happy as they jumped over weddings and such...oh, how I miss those. Not for the fact that it was good Emmy Winning television, or entertaining for that matter, just for the fact that it didn't involve someone peeing to get one.

Yes, we are still potty training. And the half naked Toddler has moved on from the Junior Mints (vitamins he called them) to the Mentos. He runs to the potty every 3 minutes to squeeze out what little dribble of pee he can to get his 2 Mentos. It is royally annoying. Not because I have anything better to do, but because he INSISITS I watch him pee. And trust me watching a three year old pee is about as entertaining as it comes - especially when it is every three minutes.

Then after he pees he scales the toilet like a wild lemur onto the counter to wash his hands. (Stools are "not safe" and are screamed at and kicked...climbing like a monkey is MUCH more effective and dangerous.) After drying his hands with a less than graceful dismount from the counter, it is a high speed dash to the fridge to get the 2 Mentos.

I shouldn't be complaining, I mean after all, HE IS PEEING IN THE TOILET, and he is pooping in there too. Now we just need to get him convinced that you don't have to be naked all of the time to use the potty. But How Do I Do That? I mean this is the child that now LOVES to be NAKED.

He used to hate it being exposed at all. This wasn't the baby that loved to have his diaper off for hours. He needed a diaper on at all times and be well bundled even in the summer. Even now he doesn't want to be cold, but by damn he needs to be "all naked" any chance he gets!!

So I may need to go buy some more Mentos this afternoon if this keeps up. But it may not. I just hope that he poops soon....his farts are SMELLY....we are talking putting and OLD MAN or OLD DOG to serious shame. He may need to see a doctor about it all, but heck then that could set us back to diapers - and to hell with that!!

So when I typed that he was potty trained and doing well, it was the truth. It was later in the after noon when that virus (The one that takes the food that you have eaten and blows it back up in whole undigested chunks hours later.) hit that we started to have a couple of problems.

I mentioned that I got sick in Florida, REALLY sick, to the point that they were going to take me to the hospital. The Promethazine wasn't working to stop the vomiting and nothing would stop the pain...it was nasty there...add a Toddler and it is sheer horror.

Anyway, in the early evening before hubby got home I was feeling a bit better and Toddler was playing with the ten zillion Geo Trains that he has amassed in the whole potty training scheme/scandal and I was talking on the phone catching up with some people I hadn't talked to in a few weeks.

He was acting weird while I was on the phone.  He always acts weird when I am on the phone, but I knew he had to go.  He kept saying no. "I just playing with it. It's a fun toy." So I believed him. (I mean he had taken a giant crap earlier in the day and it is unusual for him to make more than one elephant patty in a day.)

Then it hit the floor with a GIANT thud, a lone turd. It had "escaped" he claimed. It was funny, but you can't laugh at a half naked toddler who has just crapped on your Berber carpet for the one millionth time...

Everything said and done it was at least an easy clean up and he has been doing better today. I am just hoping that he isn't 55 and having to go places half naked to be able to know how to use the potty.  I mean we do start preschool in a couple of weeks, and it is not okay to be naked at preschool. That much I know.

We are finally back. Next time I get all excited about a trip to Florida will someone please smack me upside the head with a brick and remind me that it is inevitably a 9 hour flight, and the crappy weather ALWAYS follows us!!!

We did have a good time. The Gaylord Palms hotel is one hell of a place, and was incredible. I would love to send every one of our employees through their customer service training program. Not one employee there was rude, or unhelpful. (Especially nice the day that I spent in bed vomiting my guts out, and the doctor on the west coast needed to be called and coordinated with for a local pharmacy.) Even though we could only get a room with separate queen beds, which was nice for sleeping.

Also my wonderful MIL has managed to....I can't believe I actually am going to type this while he is running about half naked....potty train the toddler!!! I nearly had a heart attack when she said that he was using the potty on a normal basis!!! (Never mind you can't go anywhere because he is only successful this point half naked, but hell that will allow me to catch up on some rest.)

Okay, I don't know what time it is. I have a million emails to answer, mail to open and photos to download. Oh, and that pesky thing called laundry. I will write more about all the fun we had later. (And about how Scooby Doo grabbed my ass at Universal Studios....)

I leave Saturday for a week in Orlando. Yeah I know tough life. I am really excited about the trip, another week away with Hubby, enjoying grown up food and sleep. We might not know what to do with ourselves or even fall into a coma or something.

Granted, nothing here is ready because Toddler and I have been gone all week getting photos done for the big Birthday that Hubby has coming up. It was nice to see the family though and have some time alone with my boy. (I can never get enough of those I love you Momma's, or the late night sneaking into my bed, even though here at home sometimes it drives me mad.)

So I am off to pack and get ready for another fabulous week away. As it may be my last. I am thrilled. Thrilled in the same way that kids are on Christmas Eve, pretty sad for a 30 year old woman, but none the less exciting all the same. I will bring you pictures back.